im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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