What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
