I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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