can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
areolas are like halos for boobs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
