Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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