I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
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i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
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Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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