You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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