Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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