I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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