you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
