quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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