She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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