how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
