I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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