I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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