So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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