drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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