I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So squirting runs in the family.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
