there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
