I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
