I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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