Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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