she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
