My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
