So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
