You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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