I have demons in me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
