The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i out mim tonsoeep
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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