Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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