my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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