Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
