I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
