I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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