Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
