I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
