i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he told me I talked like a deaf person
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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