It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
