Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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