ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
