what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
