Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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