I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
