My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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