Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
