i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
