Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
