I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
