Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
