I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
