problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
