a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
