I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
