he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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