I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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