We're facebook friends in real life
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
