What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
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I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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