And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well I just put wine in my tea
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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