obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
