I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
