I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
