The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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