Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
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Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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