Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
