Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
