She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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