nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
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You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
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I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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