I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
