i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
