So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
