I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
