That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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