everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
