He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Terrible idea I love it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize