if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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