We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
